Conversations with Strangers

A few days ago, I was reflecting on how easily we can become distracted by work and other things in life.  One of my biggest regrets from the past few years, was not making more time to canoe the rivers back home.  So, I decided it was time to go kayaking!  Not exactly the same thing, but I had on my list a kayak trail in Weedon Island Preserve.  I made a reservation and hit the water early Saturday morning. 
The kayak trail is about 4 miles long and begins at the edge of Tampa Bay.  The trail winds through mangroves and seagrass flats as you navigate between the islands of the preserve.  With the sun already beaming down my back, I headed across the open water.  After only being in my kayak for a few minutes, I heard some movement and was surprised to see dolphins about 30 feet from my boat!  I could not believe how close they were!  I have seen dolphins before but never this close, sharing the water with them.  I leaned back and watched them swim gracefully through the water.  However, I soon realized I could not stop paddling, as the tide was quickly pulling me out of the bay. 
As I continued on the trail (trying to stay closer to the edge), I noticed a few more dolphins that were swimming just a few feet from a group of fishermen standing in the water.  The men must have been used to seeing dolphins because they were completely uninterested.  However, I noticed a girl on a paddleboard nearby that shared my excitement!  We began visiting and she showed me another area of the inlet where a mother and baby were swimming side-by-side.  We continued talking and paddling until we reached the mangroves and parted ways. 

As I continued on my journey alone, I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and serenity as I paddled along, admiring the beauty of the mangroves and the wildlife.  I started thinking about how grateful I was for the chance to share a special experience with a stranger.  It made me reflect on some of the ways I am changing.  I am finding that as I continue to open myself more to life, I am also feeling more comfortable in my “own skin”.  I notice I am becoming less self-conscious and more genuine. 
By allowing myself to just live, I have given myself the freedom to “not care”.  I know that sounds cliché, but it is true.  Before, I was always concerned about maintaining a certain type of appearance because I wanted to be taken seriously in my career.  Plus, I was living in a small town where gossip spreads like wildfire, so I was very self-conscious about my words and actions.
I was also raised to believe that people’s perceptions of you are just as important as who you really are.  It is hard enough to live a life that we can be proud of, without having the added pressure of trying to control people’s perceptions!  I was constantly worried about pleasing other people and being who I thought they wanted me to be. 
Now, as I try to just focus on living, I can actually enjoy having conversations with people, even complete strangers.  I am so much more comfortable now that I don’t have to be concerned about what people are thinking or how they perceive me.  I don’t have to ruin these special moments by focusing on how my words or actions are being judged, interpreted, or misconstrued.  I don’t have to worry about whether I will spark controversy or be the topic of gossip.  Life is so much more enjoyable without carrying all of these unnecessary burdens!  (I can’t believe it has taken me 31 years to quit caring about what other people think!)

Enchanted Forest

Sunday morning I woke up to a cloudy sky and cooler temperatures.  I think it was the coolest day since I have been here (High was 85 degrees Fahrenheit).  I definitely wanted to enjoy the nice weather so I checked my list and decided to visit Safety Harbor.  I had visited this small community before while on vacation, but this is my first time visiting as a Floridian! 
I walked around downtown for a little while then headed to the Marina.  It was a quiet day with just a few fisherman around.  I was standing on the pier enjoying the breeze and watching the gentle waves, when I heard the distinct sound of a Manatee coming up for water!  I have never seen or heard a Manatee before but I immediately knew what it was. I was ecstatic!  I have really been looking forward to seeing a Manatee and my excitement must have shown because one of the fisherman came over and gave me a quick “lesson”.  He explained that they frequent this area because there is a fresh water spring.  Then, he pointed out that we were actually watching a mama and her cub, identifying each of them as they came to the surface.  I couldn’t believe it!  My first time to see a Manatee and I was seeing a mother (below, top) with her baby (below, bottom)!

What an amazing experience!  I ended up standing there for over an hour just watching the Manatees swim.  As you can see from the photos, it is difficult to see their full bodies in the dark water but every once in a while they glide along the surface or kick their tail up above water.  It is incredible!  The time flew by as I stood there, hoping to get one more glimpse (and to get more photos).  They are truly beautiful creatures.  I never imagined they would be so graceful!  What a gift to just be able to enjoy the peace and quiet while admiring this mother and cub!  This is definitely one of those moments where I realize what a gift life is and how much I have been missing! 
As I started to walk away from the marina, I was still feeling a little light.  This is a new feeling for me as I have always been a very grounded person.  It has happened a few times recently, usually brought on by something simple that brings me joy or excitement.  The best way I can describe it is that it feels like your body is smiling.  Needless to say, I wanted to keep the feeling going!  So, I checked my list and saw that one of the companies offering Paddleboard Lessons is located at Philippe Park near Safety Harbor. (Paddleboard lessons are one of the things at the top of my list!)  I decided to go check out the Park so I would know how to find it when I scheduled my SUP (Stand Up Paddleboard) lesson. 
It was AMAZING!  Seriously, I have never been to a city park this beautiful!  It was like an enchanted forest!


After driving through the park, I knew I had to bring the dogs here!  I headed home to get them!  It may seem silly to go all the way back home just to get the dogs.  However, I have found that watching my pups’ excitement and enjoyment makes places like this even more memorable.  Plus, their curiosity often leads me to see beauty that I may otherwise have missed. 
As I returned with my two companions, it occurred to me just how much I am really changing.  A few months ago, I would have called it a day and headed home after driving through the park, .  I was always too busy with work to spend an afternoon leisurely walking around, especially after being “unproductive” all morning!  No wonder I was so unhappy!  How could I pass up such an opportunity to enjoy nature and admire the beauty!

As you can see, the dogs enjoyed exploring as much I did!  I can’t get over how small they look next to these huge trees!

We ended up spending the whole afternoon walking along the water’s edge and all through the park.  It is such a beautiful place, it feels magical!  I couldn’t help but feel spiritual in this park.  As I admired all the beauty, I took a moment to think about all the life around me.  The trees, plants, lizards, fish . . . . I have really been missing out on life!  Not just my own life, but the life all around me!  I really feel grateful to be enjoying it now and just becoming lost in life!

A Taste of Home

As I continued driving up the coast I saw a boardwalk along the side of the road and had to check it out!  John’s Pass – I had read about this area on some of the Tampa Bay websites but I couldn’t remember what it was about.  I walked around for awhile, realizing it was definitely a tourist spot.  The boardwalk was full of tourist gift shops with Beach T-shirts, Seashells, and other kitschy items. 

I made my way towards the end of the boardwalk where it looked like there was a marina but before I could get there I stumbled on something wonderful!  Many of you won’t understand my excitement (but if you are from my hometown you will) . . . Frozen Custard!!!!
This is a summertime staple where I come from and the most amazing sweet treat there is!   I love Frozen Custard and have been searching the Tampa Bay area for weeks trying to find just one Frozen Custard shop!  In fact, I was complaining to my sister during a phone call last week that I had not been able to find Frozen Custard anywhere.  Here it was, Kohr Family Frozen Custard!!  I almost ran over a few people rushing to the tiny corner shop!
As I got close enough to read the sign, I was a little disappointed to see that they didn’t offer any of the fancy blended concretes I was used to, but my disappointment was quickly swept away with the first spoonful of strawberry deliciousness!  AMAZING!!!!  This may be the best part of the whole day!  I just stood there, unable to move as I savored each bite.  I’m sure the employees snickered as I walked off – they probably aren’t used to customers becoming intoxicated from custard.  As I took my last bite, I contemplated ordering another cup but after a few minutes, I came to my senses and continued walking down the boardwalk. 
I realized that the boardwalk did not end at the water but that you can actually walk up and down over the bay.  This area was full of bars and restaurants and overlooked the boat launches.  I stopped to watch a fisherman unload some huge fish and noticed he was taking the catch straight into the kitchen of a restaurant.  Fresh seafood!  I’m still getting used to that luxury! 

After enjoying the water for a little while, I headed back down the boardwalk to see if I missed anything.  I noticed another area with shops and came across a jewelry store.  I immediately was drawn to a ring that was script of the word, Dream.  I knew I had to buy it.  After all, I’m living my dream!  As I approached the cash register I began to visit with the sales team (a mother and her young son).  After I told them that I was new to the area, they were quick to start naming places to go and things to do!  I really enjoyed visiting with both of them and before I left they were kind enough to write down their suggestions so I wouldn’t forget.  I will definitely be adding their list to my list! 
Another great experience!  It is amazing what great people you can meet if you just take the time to engage in conversation.  It’s funny how such a simple act seems rare in today’s age of communicating through technology . . .as I communicate with you through my blog.  :)

A Leisurely Drive

After visiting Pass-A-Grille, I headed down the coast to see what other spots I would discover.  I could barely keep my eyes on the road as I noticed the architecture of the homes and buildings on each side of the street.  Plus, I didn’t want to miss a glimpse of the ocean as it peeked through the alleys or jumped from behind the old motels.  Up ahead I recognized the pink castle towering over the other buildings.  Wait!  I have been here before! 

In April, I had taken a 10-day trip to Tampa Bay to scope out areas to live and had seen this pink hotel, the Don Cesar, when I was checking out St. Pete Beach.  The strange thing is, I don’t remember any of these other buildings, only the big pink hotel.  I now realize that even on my “vacation” when I had no other distractions, I was in such a rush that I completely missed Pass-A-Grille and hadn’t even noticed the other motels around the Don Cesar.  The ironic part is that my goal for the trip was to try and experience Tampa Bay like a “local”.  I had visited the area before on vacation, so this trip I wanted to try and experience it from a local’s point of view.  (This was my “make or break” trip before I gave my employer my notice to quit and move so I needed to be sure that I would still like the area when I wasn’t on vacation.)  So much for a local experience – the only thing I remember is the tourist spot!
Well, today I would not make that same mistake!  There were so many other amazing hotels to admire!  The Bon-Aire was the quintessential 1950s hotel with tons of charm!  Even the sign looks original!  I can just imagine celebrities vacationing here in the ‘50s and ‘60s.  The Postcard Inn is another spot that caught my attention and after looking it up online (when I returned home) I definitely want to see the inside!  I was also intrigued by the brightly colored Bay Palms.  I think next visit I will stop in the hotels and check them out!  I still can’t believe I missed all of these great spots on my trip in April!  I had to turn the car around and make another lap, just to be sure that I saw everything this time!  I also added a few of the hotels to my list as I want to come back and stay the night! 
I noticed a sign pointing to “Downtown” St. Pete Beach so I headed away from the coast and found a stretch of road bordered with shops.  I was a little disappointed when the people working at theses businesses were not near as friendly as those in Pass-A-Grille.  In fact, at the first shop I tried to greet the Salesperson but she was too busy talking on the phone to notice.  In the next shop, the two employees were so engrossed in gossip that I actually felt uncomfortable being in the store with them.  By the third shop, I was pretty annoyed and thinking about just heading home.  I became more agitated as I thought to myself, “I have better things to do than waste my time in here. . ..”
WAIT!  What?  How is this wasting my time?  I can look at the merchandise regardless if the staff acknowledges me!  This is a perfect example of my old habits coming back.  I had to take a time-out and reassess.  Yes, the conversations with people in Pass-A-Grille made the trip a much more enjoyable and memorable experience.  However, I can still enjoy my visit here!  I don’t need to compare this to Pass-A-Grille and I don’t need to have such high expectations.  In fact, I don’t need any expectations!  I just need to enjoy each moment for what it is and value the experience!
After my pep talk, I continued down the street and enjoyed visiting the other businesses.  I’m glad I did not leave because at the end of the road there was a great old movie theatre and a dog boutique across the street.  Unfortunately, the theatre was closed but I added it to my list as I will definitely want to come back if it reopens! 
I am really happy that I found another area to explore!  But most of all, I’m happy I didn’t let my old habits ruin a fun experience!

A Vow & A List

I have noticed as I start to meet people, that everyone has a list of favorite activities, destinations, restaurants, etc.  However, most people that I talk to haven’t actually enjoyed their favorite things for a very long time.  I think this is so sad but I must admit that I have been guilty of the same thing.  It is so easy to get caught up in the daily grind!  In the past I have definitely let work and other responsibilities get in the way of doing my favorite things.  For example, I loved camping and canoeing when I lived in the Midwest.  However, I became so distracted with work that I barely made time to enjoy either of these activities.  I do not want to make that same mistake in Florida!
So, I have made a list of all the things I want to do and all the places I want to see.  I am vowing not to become complacent and forget what a gift it is to live in my dream destination.  Before moving, I had to work all year just to escape for a week of vacation.  Now, I can enjoy my “vacation” every day!  I don’t want to start taking that for granted.
With that in mind, I headed out to visit one of the places on my list.  I did not have a plan, rather I just woke up, got dressed (making sure to wear my swimsuit under my clothes since I never want to miss a chance to hit the beach) and drove to Pass-a-Grille.  An area, I keep hearing about but have not visited.  It was exciting and invigorating to just go exploring.  This is not something I would normally do.  Usually, I have a plan and a schedule.  In the past, I would have known exactly where I was going, what shops I would visit, when and where I would eat lunch, and pretty much every other detail of the day.  Today, I was just going to get lost in the day. 

As I entered Pass-A-Grille, I was excited to see the small bungalows on the quiet streets.  This area was almost frozen in time - it was so quaint and peaceful.  Much different from other nearby towns like Clearwater Beach.  I parked the car and walked up and down the streets.  I stopped in a few shops and art galleries where I lost track of time visiting with the owners and employees.  I quickly learned that August and September are the slowest times of year for tourism so I am especially grateful that I chose this time to visit! 

I couldn’t believe it when I saw the time and realized that I had been wandering around this small town for almost 4 hours.  I was surprised how easily I was able to enjoy myself and not stress about “wasting” time.  It is funny to think that I would consider such a fun day as a “waste” but a few months ago I would have been frustrated and annoyed with myself for losing 4 valuable hours of the day!  No wonder I was always so stressed out – I couldn’t even let myself enjoy a morning of exploring!     
By this time, it was pretty warm so I headed down to the beach and walked in the shallow waters.  There were only a few people sunbathing and swimming so I was able to stroll up and down the coast, listening to the waves, and enjoying the quiet.  I collected seashells for a little while and then headed back to my car.

Next stop . . . . where ever I end up!

My Road to Change

Even though I just started this blog, I have been thinking about making a major life change for several months.  I don’t want to give the false impression that change is easy or that it happens quickly.  In fact, it has taken me a year just to get to this point.
My road to change started in the Summer of 2012.  I finally had a career and income that met my expectations and fit my definition of “success”.  The problem was, I wasn’t happy. I was beginning to realize that my life “plan” was not leading to the life I had imagined.  I tried to take a step back and evaluate things to determine what I was doing wrong.
I finally started asking myself the important questions I should have been asking all along, like What really makes me happy?  After several months of self-reflection, I was starting to understand what I wanted out of life.  Who I really wanted to be. 
I discovered that I really didn’t like my career and that financial security was not as important as enjoying life.  I realized that my determination to be “successful” had prevented me from finding my true path in life.  More importantly, my race to succeed had distracted me from really enjoying life.  I saw that personality traits I had always viewed as positive, were actually leading to my unhappiness.  For example, I have always been driven, often to the point of obsessive.  I am a perfectionist and hold myself to extremely high standards.  Plus, I never give up or quit.  Although, these qualities definitely contributed to my success in school and helped me climb the “corporate ladder”, they have caused a lot of stress and anxiety. 
You may think all these revelations were satisfying or liberating.  Unfortunately, this new understanding of myself only made me overwhelmed and more unhappy.  I felt like I was stuck in the life I had created and unsure if I could really start over.  I wanted to quit my job and move near a beach where I could enjoy outdoor activities.  Not to mention, I needed to completely reprogram my brain.
For the next few weeks I just kept living the same life.  Only now I went through each day noticing all of the things I disliked about me and my life.  After a few months of this, I was motivated to change.  I became so frustrated that I found the courage to try to make the changes I was dreaming about.  Yes, it seemed impractical, irresponsible, and completely crazy.  But really, what did I have to lose?  I was even more miserable now, so I had to do something!
So . . . I did it!  I quit my job and moved over 1000 miles.  I now live in St. Petersburg, Florida and am building a new career working from home.  My road to change has not been easy.  My life is full of uncertainty and my financial security is gone.  However, I can honestly say that I’m happy!  I definitely have “Oh Sh**!” moments but I have developed so much confidence through this process that I have faith everything will work out – somehow. 

Now, I’m just trying to live each day to the fullest and enjoy every moment!   I am still working on changing my obsessiveness and perfectionism. I am finding that changing me is definitely the biggest challenge!  I am still a work-in-progress, but I’m finally finding my true path!  Life is good!

Lost in Life?

Why Lost in Life?  I chose this title because I want to become “lost” in life.  I want to stop obsessing and planning and just live.  My whole life, I have been focused on the “finish line”.  For as far back as I can remember, I have always been dreaming of how great life will be in the future.  I wasn’t a huge fan of High School and I can remember then dreaming of how great college life would be.  All that freedom.  Create you own class schedule.  Sleep in and party all night!  Boy, was I wrong! 
Life only became more difficult in college.  Working 40 hours a week, trying to pay my bills, and attempting to maintain good grades to keep my scholarship.  College was definitely not the fun, laid-back joyride I had envisioned.
However, I sucked it up and kept working towards my degree (not without a few bumps in the road).  My focus became the joy of life after college.  No longer having to juggle work and school.  I would get my degree and make the big bucks!  Just a few more years and I would be living the “good” life!
I think you probably get the idea.  The “good life” never showed up.  Unfortunately, I did not wake up one morning and think, “Yes!  This is it!  Life is amazing!”  Don’t get me wrong.  I have definitely had amazing days and amazing moments.  But I have never really slowed down long enough to live that life I have been dreaming of.  A life full of contentment, where I just go through my day enjoying each moment. 
Unfortunately, I have never really reached my “finish line” either.  I now realize that I will never complete the race because I keep moving the finish line.  I keep extending the race. Not intentionally, it just somehow happens.  As the end approaches, I am never satisfied.  The “good life” hasn’t arrived so I keep going.  I keep setting goals, finding new projects, creating a new path.
However, today I am changing this.  I’m going to stop planning.  Stop focusing on the future.  Stop racing towards a goal!  I am going to redefine my life.
How?  Well, first I’m going to try and enjoy each moment.  That means when I take my dogs for a walk, I will not spend the time making a mental list of things I need to get done.  Instead, I will look around at the world.  I will just enjoy each moment for what it is . . . A chance to be outdoors enjoying my dogs, the sun, the world! 
I realize this sounds easy but I know it will not be (at least not for me).  In fact, this may be one of the most difficult things I do in life.  However, I think it will be the best thing I ever do and definitely the most rewarding! 
I hope you will come along for the ride while I get Lost in Life.  I would love to hear your suggestions and welcome any guidance you may have for me!  I have created this blog as a way for me to try and work through the challenges I may face, but also as a place where I am accountable.  Hopefully, this will keep me focused on my task help me to continue on my path and not revert back to old habits! 
Thanks for stopping by!

Tess