Being Alone

As I continue on my quest to change, I have discovered the importance of spending time alone.  In the past, I only associated negative feelings (such as loneliness) with being alone.  I’m not exactly sure why, but I think part of it was just being scared to face myself.  I think, deep down, I always knew that I was unhappy with my life. I’m sure this was one of the reasons I was always focused on the “finish line”. It was just another way to avoid the truth. I have been running and hiding from my feelings for most of my life. It started when I was a young child, influenced to believe that my feelings, emotions, and dreams were either unnecessary or unworthy. So, I would bury them. This wasn’t an easy task since I was a very sensitive child. Unfortunately, I quickly learned that I could ignore almost anything by staying busy. As I grew older, there were so many neglected feelings buried deep within me that I was like a volcano and would erupt anytime I was alone.  When I finally decided it was time to change, I knew I would have to spend a lot of time alone.  I knew I would have to relive all of those buried emotions and face things that I had been avoiding for years. This is what scared me the most about trying to change, and justifiably so, as it turned out to be the most difficult part of my journey (so far). I experienced a lot of anger and sadness for many months.  I even tried to stop the whole process, but once I had started there was really no turning back.  Eventually, things got better and I finally began to understand myself.  I even decided to start living a few of those buried dreams! The more I experience the rewards of self-discovery, the more I enjoy spending time alone.  It has been a long and difficult journey, but, it was worth it! Life is not perfect but I no longer have to run or hide from the truth.  I am able to face the challenges and trust in myself.  I am no longer afraid to be alone!